My name is Camille,

Slappin'

2010-02-22T22:48:00.001-08:00

Spending time with people I don't normally spend time with makes me happy (: Idk, I guess I like the idea of venturing out of the norm, yenno?

Budddddy I needa repaint my nails again. And do my Taliban essay -_________-

sigh, fuck homework.

secrets.

2010-02-17T00:09:00.001-08:00

Idk how I should've felt, or how I even feel about what I found out, so.. I'll just leave it as the past.

But I feel uneasy, knowing that shit still hasn't been resolved. Nothing's the same, we're just two distant people, living our separate lives, and mingling when needed. Maybe this is for the best? I don't know. But it's peaceful.. I guess.

I easily get bored. I need an escape. For when I can't deal with people around me, when I can't deal with all the bullshit of my everyday life. I hate routine, but I'm not a fan of spontaneity.
Where do I stand, undecided, unsure?

Laziness is taking over me. I'm sick and tired of everything.
I don't even know why! But I just am.

Waiting on some quality time with some people. That's all I ever live for nowadays.

Dissatisfied.

2010-02-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to blog for a long time but something or another always comes up when I'm about to. But anyway, January was hell month for me. Constant attempts at studying, and ridiculous amounts of work needed to be done, and well, there wasn't any time for anything else. Overall, I can only wish that I studied more, that I focused more on certain things instead of wasting my time doing irrelevant things. Not to dwell in the past but I did fail myself at obtaining something that I really wanted, because I didn't work hard enough for it. But life goes on.

New classes, chill first week, but now the work's starting to come in. It still is nothing compared to last term, but the extensive deadlines and the miniscule amount of homework is making me lazy, and giving me chances of saying, "I can do this tomorrow, it's not due yet". I need to stop procrastinating, but I can't. I guess you can compare it to an addiction. I'm almost done with my work for the week. I guess I can call last week my real "break". Feels weird though, not having to do anything, or constantly stress about things. Feels odd waking up, not worried about this or that. Just waking up, looking forward to the day ahead. It get's boring though, because it's close to being monotonous. I miss my Biology class- the dynamics, that is. Sigh.

I'm beginning to feel really tired of the way things are right now. Everything feels so unreal. I'm just not quite feeling it. There's something missing, because I feel emptiness, I feel loneliness. I'm questioning things again, wondering if it's all just a game. I'm sick of the routine, I need something new, someone new to come along and spice up my world.

In class today, we were asked "name 3 items or friends you would bring with you on an island and why". Wanna know what bugs me?

I couldn't think of a single 'friend' to bring.

It made me sad..

Exhaustion.

2010-01-13T00:52:00.000-08:00

The weeks are becoming rigorous, as we get so close to the end of the term. Math has thrown me into a temporary high for a bit, until I tumbled down and knocked it off. Still up on the tops, but I'm so close to that A that I've always been yearning for. Math final is on my birthday, so I SHALL SHALL SHALL do well on it, as a birthday present to myself. Focused on studying for finals, completing apbio notes, labs, etc. Mindset in total school mode nowadays, no time for playing when hard work needs to be done. Birthday wishlist up on tumblr if you wanna check it out, because for some reason I couldn't paste it here, and It's a long list ahaa, so I'm kindof not gonna bother typing it up again.

I miss Kim and Henri. :(

The Last of 09.

2009-12-31T23:51:00.000-08:00

I must say that 09 has brought a lot of ups and downs for me, and I've grown so much this whole year, I learned a lot about life, about myself, and about the people who surround me. I've lost some friends that I never thought I would lose, but the loss gave way to new friendships I've never thought I could have. It's been a full year of changes for me, and as the clock ticks, with only a few minutes left til midnight, I can honestly say everything was worth it. I've done a number of things I never thought I would do, I've gone to places I never thought I would go.

And all these moments I've spent, I've made a lot of mistakes, and learned from them. 2010 is another year ahead, with big opportunities, another chapter of my life. I'm turning 17 soon, and even if I thought I'd do more on my 16th year, I'm content. I'm ready for 2010, for the challenges that have yet to come, for all the laughter, the tears, the anger, the sadness, the love, the hate, everything the year has to offer.

Happy New Year.

So this new year,

2009-12-28T01:57:00.000-08:00

I need a change in my life, I miss my spiritual connections, forreals. Because back then no problems could break me, but now that I've broken a lot fo the connections, I feel so alone. I need exposure again, I need that secure feel. Out of all the places I've lived, I've only felt the lost of connection here. I miss youth ministries in Singapore and Miami, when youth group meant singing praise songs, touching stories, spiritual devotions. Forgive me for being religious, but this is how I feel right now. I feel like I've walked the wrong way for so long, away from God, away from everything I believed in. These are the moments I feel truly sad, leaving away such a stronghold of Christian life behind. I promised myself that I would find a new youth group to be in, and continue what I've started. But I can tell you right now that it failed. I don't blame anybody though. Because I see everything that happened this year as an obstacle I needed to go through, to help me become a better individual, become stronger, and believe more in myself. As the year comes closer to its end, I want to leave behind the bad, I want to start fresh.

That's easier said than done. And I don't want to be hypocritical, but I'm afraid I am, because I can't constantly be like this, all religious. But part of what I believe in, is that God will accept me for who I am. I've once been told that it means much more to be falling in and out of the Christian life, than to stay in it always, because it shows, that I'm still coming back, no matter what.

I've been disappointed in myself for so long, it's time to take that step forward and move on.

formspring.me

2009-12-26T00:16:00.001-08:00

Got a question? http://formspring.me/caambam

Merry Christmas.

2009-12-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

The week leading up to Christmas 09, was just like any other week, minus all the schoolwork. Posted at home watching DVD's and sleeping all day, that's the life right there, hahaha. But it did hit me that I wasted a full week doing no schoolwork, when I kind of made a pact to do two chapters a day. Well, too late now. Christmas service was interesting, seeing melissabruhh though <3 Her cupcakes are the business! Went home for good food, and then hella knocked out right after.

Opened gifts christmas morning, cute sanrio stuff(: Pretty much it hahahaha, but it's kaay, I'm thankful. Headed to Frisco for lunch, shoot, $203 bucks of seafood, Hahaha, zaaaymn. Worth it though bruhh! Walked around the pier, pictures and alla that stuff. Then headed back home, where my mom hella says I could go out with Kim and Henri, but then after she hella changed her mind -________- So yeah, not such a great ending to my christmas. I don't know, I feel like Christmas is hella losing its spirit, for me. But maybe it's just this christmas.

New year? Hope 2010 will be epic.

EPICADVENTURE.

2009-12-19T23:30:00.000-08:00

Shiiit, that was the business! Headed to valleyfair with Hanna, to find out that Godiva's drink machine was down, and it was a WASTE cause that was like the only reason why we headed to vfair in the first place. Didn't even buy SHIT. Decided to head off to Urban Outfitters @ Santana Row! And yeah, got a cherry blossom shirt from there (: Here comes the epic part..

So we hella rushed back to the car to head off to greatmall right? Only to find out that Hanna locked her keys in the ignition 0________0 OMG EPIC FAIL. So we asked a cop if he could help us, and he directed us to the security, who told us that we have to call a tow truck. So yeah we didn't.. we just called for help. Wasted 3 hours going to Fremont and back to Santa Clara, finally got the car and headed to gmall, bought more christmas presents and shit, then headed to walmart, where I got in trouble with my momma cause my sister forgot to tell her I was coming home late.

SIGH. I DROPPED HELLA CASH ON CHRISTMAS PRESENTS, AND I THINK THAT WAS THE LAST TIME MY MOMMA WAS GONNA CASH ME OUT. Didn't even get myself anything..

Yooooomps.

Winterball Tonight!

2009-12-11T01:10:00.000-08:00

Hella stoked, people started coming through the last minute! Managed to convince Joash to go, hahahaha. So far, it's Me, Melissa, Sara, Kim, and then Joash is just going with his boyfriends. Buhhhyeah I'm helllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa excited, LOLOL.

Okay I need to catch some shuteye now. Goodnight.

OHOH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS SHAH AND RAINIER SAN AGUSTIN! (Because I know your real name, beeyotch)

I luhhyou guys! <3

Because I can't wait for Friday to come.

2009-12-10T03:24:00.001-08:00

I just realized that tomorrow, it's winterball + Hella people's birthdays, especially Ms. Shah's, and Rainier! Hahaha.Well I just finished doing work, and as usual, it's around 3.30 AM. Haha, my sleeping patterns are WACK. I swear.

LOL so yesterday fuckin Nicole hella set me up with some like, awkward moments with someone, hahaha it was like hilariously annoyingly awkward. Miss her though, still like, unclear reasons damn! I hella don't know wtf happened to our friendship. But that's a thing of the past, keep moving forward.

Oh, and I failed my math test, AGAIN. -__________-
Around 5 more weeks of these hard classes, on to the next! (:
Alright time to sleep. Gooootnight.

LOLOLOL.

2009-12-08T02:49:00.000-08:00

Read that, made me laugh.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, tooooooooooooooo fucking bad.

next time, bring your own shit.

Please don't meddle.

2009-12-07T01:45:00.000-08:00

It's my business. I appreciate your intentions, but you don't know the whole story.

I've been extremely lazy lately, I haven't gotten anything done for school, and that's really disappointing. 2 weeks, and then break is coming by. There's another test in math, and I'm not ready for that. There's so much going on, I can't wait for Friday. Though I'm gonna start being restricted again, which sucks. I hate that with a passion. My sisters need to grow up already, we need to fastforward life a little bit.

Joash took my fishy. I realized after all these months I've had it, I have not named it. And now it's in his custody. Hopefully it still lives for a long time. But once it dies, he said he's buying a turtle 0__0 Otaay, hahaha.

WINTERBALL IS COMING UP SOON AND I'M EXCITED, SO IT BETTER BE GOOOOD.

Like Fonzi Said,

2009-12-06T02:59:00.001-08:00

The things you do when you're sleep deprived.

I find myself to be overly emotional after 12 am (which in my case, happens everyday). It's good and bad. Good because I think things through a lot at these hours, bad because there's no one to talk to at these hours. (Sometimes Sara is on, then I talk to her, haha) But anyways, I've come to realize that:

- I no longer believe in bestfriendship.
But that's just my opinion, and I'm not saying it can't exist anywhere else. But for now, it does not exist with me. I would say "Hi bestfraan", but it's just a nickname, you know?

- I can never please everybody, so I choose to please myself.
I've been stupid enough to even think that my purpose in life is to make everybody happy, and set aside my own happiness. Which is legit, because I felt like a saint before. But after all that's happened, I have finally finally learned that being nice doesn't get you far. At some point, it's handy knowing how to be the bitch. All that being nice has showed me is that people take you for granted. So now my kindness has become selective. Call me selfish, but for a change, I shall put myself before everybody else. Because everybody can leave you, but you will be stuck with yourself forever.

- It takes a whole damn lot to realize who the treal niggas are.
Whenever shit happens with people I always wish that I never even had to move ever since I was young, so that I would have those 10 years and going type of friends. But everything happens for a reason, and I view friendships as a trial and error process now. People come to your life and make a big impact on it, but someday they will go. So when that happens, brood for a while, then pick yourself up, say thanks, and carry on. I can't believe I'm saying this but, I wish friendship was like math, where there's a method to finding the real ones, without trial and error. But then again, trials and errors are how you learn. These are the most intelligent mistakes you'll make, the ones that will benefit you in the long run.

Told you I have a lot to say at these hours.

In response,

2009-12-02T03:05:00.001-08:00

Hi, how you doing? I hope you're having a MARVELOUS time living your life, cause I know I am. First off, I have no business in you not being home, that's your deal. And if you think I'm trying to replace you in your family? I have my own family, thank you very much. And don't even try to say that I have never been buddy buddy with your brothers, I've always had. But you know, since you were too busy with everything else, you probably never noticed. And I guess there are certain things I don't know, but that's always been the case, and I'm not even trippin about that. Don't even get me started on how you are with YOUR brothers and YOUR family. You know our families have been close, your family was my second family, and my family was yours. So now all of a sudden, you're gonna bitch about my friendships with your brothers? Please, if you want me to leave them alone, then why don't you back the fuck up and leave my sisters alone too then? You don't see me bitchin about you being close to my sisters. No one else was involved in this mess, it was between you and me. And before you even fucking start saying that it wasn't even anything to begin with, you are so fucking wrong. Not once did you come talk to me about it, really showed how much you cared for our friendship.

I got to say thank you for what you've done to me, for how you've changed me. Yes I dressed wack before, but don't we all? Don't try to say you didn't. I grew because of you, and I learned to stand up for myself. But after all that, I realized I was leaning against the wrong support. I needed you then, but you know what? I don't fucking need you now. You left behind a void that nobody want's to fill. Because it's a reminder of how you ruined a lot of things. And I know you don't view it that way. I looked up to you then, I wanted to be you. But now? After all this bullshit, I'd much rather be nothing than be like you.

ACHRS, bestfriends til the end?

You know that end we thought would never come?
Well, December 02, 2009 3.25 AM

The fucking end.

No sleep.

2009-12-02T02:44:00.000-08:00

I seriously am thinking of pulling an all nighter one time, just to see what happens, HAHAHA. Well the week's been alright so far, brought my D- to a B- in math, which is a big accomplishment (: Once again work is piling up, 3 weeks until the next break. Winterballdressshopping on Saturday, I hope? Well I kindof need the dress -_____-

So yeah, things are happening, and I hella am not shocked, but like, haha Iunno. I needa go to bed already. Goodnight.

I Just Want You.. sometimes.

2009-11-29T02:56:00.000-08:00

Haha, sometimes.

It's one of those, I want to like you, but I know I shouldn't, so I don't. But like sometimes I do, just cause, Iunno, I'm attracted to you? I like guys who can sing, haha, just saayin (: But I think it's real cute when a guy sings for a girl though. But yeah, I just wish things would go the way I want it to, just for once, let me have a feeeel. <3

Laaazy day.

2009-11-28T01:55:00.000-08:00

So last night.. (or in the wee hours of the morning) I was watching singing videos right? And haha, I feel like making one naaaao.

Today was pretty, productive? Idunno, I hella woke up at 11. And I took a nap at 1... The weather always makes me feel sleepy. I wish I went out, but I had to finish work. I need to get a winterball dress! And whatever else goes with it, hahaha. Next weekend, vfaaair, hopefully someone can take us.

Henri has a job and I am jealous because he's getting cashflooooow! Kid worked 14 hours today because of the black friday extra pay thaaang. Shoot, he's gonna crash when he get's home, right about now. -__________-

Alright, it's time for me to crash, I have a study group in the morning for math.

SUPPORTSOPHOMORES!

2009-11-28T01:51:00.000-08:00

Because my Black Friday plans failed.

2009-11-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

I was upset for the longest time, LOL. Because I couldn't go out for midnight 'shopping' with Kim and whoever else came through. And Kim is hella texting me from XXI right now too -______-

Fuck my life, LOLOLOL. I hate how I'm missin out on events like this. This is fucking bullshiiii'.
Well, Happy Thanksgiving, by the way. HAHAHA. Well, yeeah, I spent my day taking notes for a 30 page chapter, and had BBQ for dinner. That's pretty much it.

Sigh, I'm trippin bout the math test on Monday. I have to go study for that. :(

I remember last thanksgiving...
Oh well too bad.

Logarithms.

2009-11-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

Can suck it. Hahaaa, I got hella distracted, when I was supposed to do some math practice though. But anyways, I thought I wouldn't finish my goal for today (which was 2 chapters), but I did :D

Todaaay's, Happy Birthday Momma and Chaaad!

So just got news bout something from someone, and I can seriously say, IDGAF!
Ohohohoh, I really wanna go shopping for black friday, I'm gonna ask my dad, so he can say no -.- Blaaaah. Today was pretty productive. I didn't take a nap, and I'm still awake! Haha, though I might decide to hop in bed pretty soon, there's nothing to do.

-Zaaamn, __ hella hit me up though, and it's like, he's slowly creeping back into my life, but nothing like that though. I'm still exhausted from all the bs from last year, so like, none of that shit right now. But I'm trynna come through for Greatmall tomorrow night, so crossing my fingers for that, cause I wanna get stuff! (((((:

Empire State of Mind.

2009-11-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

Put that shit on replay! <333

Today's been pretty productive, stayed pretty focused, and got shit done. I need to catch up, because I'm hella behind on work, and that's not goooood. Anyways, I'm trynna go midnight shopping with Kim for black friday, but I hella doubt my dad will let me go. Cause, it's midnight.. -.- Sigh, last year was good though. Too bad I can't do that this year.

So I'm still not done reading my old posts, I think I'm on 2008 already? Hahaa, it amuses me. Oh, we watch 2012 yesterday! (Hahaa, I didn't wanna ruin my birthday post, yenno?) It was pretty tight. Though some graphics, if not all, looked hellllla fake. The day after tomorrow had better graphics though. And after, headed to the new forever at greatmall, I swear it took my breath away <3 Had some food, then swooped by AB to visit this nigga that I haven't seen in 3 months, hahahaa. Shit, caught up a bit though. Then went to XXI, I swear I hella didn't get anything. I was surprised that I didn't grab errything and ask my momma to buy it for me, hahaa. I'd rather get the cashflow to buy stuff myself, when I'm not rushed for time. Haha, after that, headed back home then BJ's.

I'm kinda liking how things are going right now, it's drama free, and the only thing I gotta worry about is keepin my grades up, and getting back to the top spot. So we'll see how things go from here.

Arright, it's getting late, I'm out. Laaaates <3

Happy Birthday, Henri.

2009-11-23T01:46:00.000-08:00

Henri's 18th birthday dinner, @ BJ's Brewhouse.

They're who I call, my support system <3

So yeah, tonight was pretty damn fun, despite the hour wait for everything/everyone to come through. Good food, HEAVENLY DESSERT. I'm not one to take pictures of food, but I might start on that, if this dinner out becomes more frequent. Though we're all broke people, so probably not, hahahaha. I wish we coulda stayed out longer, cause I was feenin on hittin up TOTW, for the first time. We have to do that someday. Henri is 18 naaao, and he has a job. Which means, we can steal his car to go places? HAHAHA <3>

Vfair,

2009-11-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was hella fun. I needed that break for the longest time ever, needed to feel carefree for a change. And I did, I almost peed myself laughing so fucking hard at the apple store taking pictures w/ kim and henri. And we couldn't even watch new moon, cause my dad decided not to let me go watch the 7pm one -.-

OH NEWS. THE NEW FOREVER 21 AT GREATMALL OPENED TODAY.
:DDDDDDD

Haha, so I 've been reading my archives for two nights now, and it just brings back so much. Good and bad, either way, when they become memories, it's still worth remembering them. I miss people in Singapore, people in Florida, people here, even. Because we've all grown apart, because shit happened and things never got resolved. I'm still waiting on the time for things to fall together in place once again. I don't know what will become of this. And I think I did say I was done, but could I ever be completely done? Not after all that we've been through.

So yeah, I think it was a damn good decision to stick with blogspot, although tumblr is hella nice. Just cause I've documented a whole lot here. And I want to keep reading back, as the years past, to remember the good and the bad. :)

Feelme?

NEW MOON!

2009-11-20T00:23:00.000-08:00

Boutta watch it tomorrow though, with Kim and Henri, most likely in Valleyfair, cause I need a getaway for a bit, LOL.
Break's here, but there's hella shit to do, 163 pages for APbio, 3 worksheets and study for test in math, and yeeah, a lot of studying, cause it's a MUST to get an A in the next test, otherwise I'm hella gonna go to summer school for it.

Today was a good day though, for the most part.

And yeeeeah, I still don't even know anymore.

Fuck Mondays.

2009-11-17T00:17:00.000-08:00

I've always hated Mondays. Today validates that hatred. Totally bombed the graphing test in math today, I don't know why I keep freaking out on these things. Like I swear I kept trynna breathe and shit cause I was so fucking nervous. And then in APbio Fisher drops a bomb on us, trynna tell us we can't do typed up notes anymore? The fuucck, I ain't trynna write all of this =/ Sigh, things just took another turn, another loopdeeloop in the damn rollercoaster of this so called life.

OMG, so I went to my fishytank, and tapped it right? And my fish wasn't too responsive, which made me wonder when the hell it was last fed.. So I tried to look for food in the fridge, and in the cupboards LOL, but I couldn't find any. Guess what I tried to feed it? BREAD -.- It didn't work, so I tried CHICKEN LOLOLOLOL. I don't know, moment of stupidity. But yeah, that obviously didn't work either. So I asked Henri to bring me in some fishfood tomorrow, hahaha. I feel so bad for my fishy though.. Had it for almost half a year now daaaymn, from bio last year though, those ecosystem things. Hahahaa.

Well anyways, enough of the fishy. I needa get back to my work. I feel like passing out pretty soon. I'm gonna nap after school tomorrow so I can stay up later. Cause it's hard getting work done when everyone's hella loud in the house.

PS. Things aren't getting any better.

One more week.

2009-11-16T00:20:00.000-08:00

Just trynna endure one last week of school, and then break's here. And I know fsho that I'm not even gonna be able to do that much during break, restrictions, plus I know there will be shitloads of homework that needs to be done. And I know I will procrastinate til sunday night, before monday school comes, but hey, life's great like that -.- Church today was quite, eventful? I guess. I don't even know, hahaha. Saw Melissa though, and caught up for a bit before we had to go.

I guess they're okay now. But the thing is, we're not.
And there's no signs of us being okay.

I think you found your match, the taste of your own motherfucking medicine. And seems like you ain't trynna do anything bout it, but it's coo. It's coo.

But it's my turn to be cold hearted.

Chill Saturday.

2009-11-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

Hella plans cancelled, pissed me off, but it turned out pretty okay in the end. Was supposed to go to Logan's homecoming thoughhhhh :( buhhyeah, watched the pacquiao vs cotto match with my faambam, even that coulda been better if we went and watched with the other people, but my dad decided to buy it here. Henri was gonna come through but he flaked, hahaha. MISSED OUT BRUHH. Got nothing accomplished today, hella wasted. I feel bad, hahaa, watch me freak out tomorrow when I find out there's hella shit to do! Beebroskii came over with Lvn, Kuya KC, and uncle bong today, just posted for a bit in front of the house, in the car. Hahaa, fun though. Trynna plan out black friday, but idk if those will come through too. Nothing ever comes through. Especially now..

Church tomorrow. Hm, I'm still not trynna deal, just gonna stick with melbreezy. Good thing there's no youth group though. Off to watch SNL now, goodnight niggas.

DILLIGAF?

2009-11-13T00:29:00.000-08:00

I don't think so. I would much rather have nothing to do with you, but I'm the liason between the ones at home, and school, so I kindof still have to deal with this, but it's against my will. It's amazing how you're not even gonna say anything after he said that to me, it's like, really? You're calling me THAT? How low can you both get? Seriously though, fuck it. So yeah, like I said, have a good fucking life.

Moving on,
Today was quite eventful. Started of with a wakeup call (: And then it was pretty okay from there, up to math class when I found out that I have a C.. But yeah, everything else was pretty fine. I was a nervous wreck in AP bio, cause I thought we were going to present, but I hella forgot to save the powerpoint in compatibility mode, so we pushed back a day. Which is definitely a good thing, since the slides didn't match up with the objectives at all, and that would've been all bad. Still kinda trippen out, I think I need some sleep, hahaha. Did I ever tell you about my obsession with scarves? HAHAHA I fucckin love them! <3 Anyways, after school broskii came over to have some food and posted til he went back for basketball. Really crossing my fingers and hoping he makes the team, because we will be there, cheering him on, hahaa. Kuya KC and I have all our cheers planned out already! HAHAHA. Family base business though, extended. Found the brothers that I've always wanted <3 But yeah, things aren't really looking up, but I'm trynna stay positive and not get affected by every little bullshit that's going on. Unimportant people come and go nowadays.

Tomorrow starts off my weekend, I want to go out and watch a movie with the reeeals. Hahaa, my dad is sick-ish. Or it's withdrawal from nicotine. I dunnno, buhh he's going crazy though.

Aaand, it's almost 1 am again. I think I should go get some sleep. So yeaah, gooootnight!

Tumblr.

2009-11-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

I was rereading a post on tumblr.
And now I really wish I didn't.

When can I find that, til infinity best friend that I'm looking for?

Late nights.

2009-11-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

I have nothing much to say. But I just decided to post anyways, haha. Well yeah, homework load is still high up there. Report cards come in later in the morning, joy. Time to get some rest. Goodnight.

Blown off.

2009-11-09T01:00:00.000-08:00

Someday you will read this.

I'm tired of dealing with you. I'm tired of going through the same old shit. You never listen, you never care, so why should I? I just wanna thank you for ruining things. Because you think it's all about you, but it's not. People get affected too, you know? I think you do know. But you choose not to care. Because you are selfish. I want you to know how hurt I am. I want you to know how much shit you put me through, you put everybody through. I want you to know that I really miss the old you. There are reasons why I feel the way I feel. I hate him, because he changed you. I hate him because there came a day when you chose him over me. I hate that we're all going through this. I hate how you won't compromise. I hate how you ruined everyone's trust in you, I hate how you caused everybody to lose their respect for you. All for a guy that doesn't treat you right. All for a guy that isn't even all that. All for a guy who makes you cry, a guy who tries to blackmail you, tries to pull the guilt trip on you for everything that you do. I hate how you fall for it. I'm filled with hate for all the things that you've done. For all the things that everyone has done. I'm angry, I'm hurt. It upsets me, feeling like this. I used to be so excited whenever I see you. I used to adore you, to admire you. But I lost all that. I lost all the positive vibes with you. There's no more us. There's you, there's me. And there's that growing empty space between us. The space caused by all the trouble, all the tears, all the drama. I know I said we'll go through thick and thin together. But how do I do that, when you've worn me out? When you chose to do the same things over and over, when you know it's wrong? How do I stick it through, how do I find the ways to put up with it? I'm exhausted. I'm disappointed. I hate you for not listening to me. I hate you for doing whatever you want to do. And it's not that I never considered your side of everything. Because I did. But now? It's getting old. Life needs to move on. We can't all be stuck in this situation forever. Because it's not doing us any good. It never has, and it never will. When will you learn? When will you listen? When will you stop?

I can't believe we've lost it all.
It was great while it lasted.

So if you keep doing your own thing, if you keep choosing to do this?
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to let go soon.
I've held on long enough. I'm worn out. I'm done.
I loved you, and I always will.

The realest.

2009-11-08T02:39:00.000-08:00

So my week was pretty damn crazy, sleepless nights, bullshit days, it never ends, does it? Anyways, so yeah things aren't going so good, everything is so fucked up, it's not even funny. I just, give up on everything that I've been trying to do, and keep my focus in check. Trying to raise those grades up, back to my standards. I'm starting to realize who the realest niggas are, and tell me why I'm not surprised about who's not. Takes a while to finally see the things that needed to be seen, to hear the words that needed to be heard. There's really nothing I can do about it, except to keep calm and carry on. Through all these bullshits with all these different people, I got the two that backed me up no matter what. Thankful for that, for finding them, and even though it's only been a short while, we been growing closer each day. Haha, my dad loves em though so that's a good thing (:

The realest niggas you'll ever meet <3
And that would be Kim Le and Henri Cho, everybody.

Third sleepless night

2009-11-06T02:46:00.000-08:00

How the hell do you survive?, they ask.
I honestly don't know. I feel so drained and exhausted, I wish I didn't have to wake up for school again tomorrow. But on the bright side, problems have been solved. I think. But you know what, I really am too tired to deal with it. So if anything, it's whatever now.

I liked feeding you french fries. HAHAHAHA.

Oh, so my parents won't let me to go Logan's homecoming, because of what happened in Richmond. It's a valid point, but ugh I wish I could go though. I was looking forward to it for so long. I hate getting my hopes up. Sigh.

So I was thinking of texting him before I took a nap, but I decided not to. Oh, how ironic, I got a random ass text from him when I woke up. Brought back a lot of memories, and I realized that I haven't talked to him for a couple of months. Amazing how someone can go from everything, to nothing. But at least I achieved it, at least I managed to let go of it. And looking back, I still can't say if it was all worth it, but hey, it was good while it lasted. Even though it was complications after complications after complications, there's always a good to everything. Look on the bright side.

Good night.

Ridiculous.

2009-11-04T02:38:00.001-08:00

Don't be all hypocritical trying to tell me to come talk to you face to face IN YOUR BLOG. Why don't you come talk to me and we'll see where that goes? So apparently YOUR best friend is feeding me false information? Because I asked her what happened, and she explained the whole deal about you not wanting me to know where the fuck you're going. And it's not like I was about to catch up with you guys. Why would I do that if you never invited me to go in the first place? And I guess I'm sorry that you think I'm stealing your best friend, but maybe if you didn't leave her out all the time she wouldn't feel so alone. So maybe since she's your best friend, you should go ask her how she feels whenever she gets left out of a conversation. Only reason why I didn't go up to you is that I didn't know if I was coming with viable information. That's why I went to her first, because she was the one on the phone with me when it happened. And if she said it wasn't about me, I would've dropped it. But is that what she said? I don't think so. I don't know if it's all a misunderstanding, but it's definitely blown way out of proportion.

And by the way, I never really had the intention of going to that halloween thing anyways, I know they didn't want me there, because if they did, then I wouldn't have heard about it from some random person. So thanks, anyways. Even if you regret it.

As for the shittalking from everybody? At this point, I honestly could care less. I try to clear up certain things that I hear, but other than that, feel free to shit talk. Because you never know,

I might just be shit talking back.

Funny.

2009-10-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

How so much shit is going on in my life right now. Everything is in this weird pace, and it's all getting to me. All these shit hella got me sick. Fatigue? I'm exhausted. And I need A LOT of catching up to do in AP bio right now, it's not even funny. Spirit week is over, we won second place, which was complete bullshit, but let's not get there. We reached our goal, that's all that matters.

I find it quite aggravating how whacked out people's incentives are. I want to point out names, BAD, but I'm not. I'm not trynna start shit with anybody, I'm living my life and having as much fun as I can before I end up breaking down because of school work, so don't try to ruin it for me. I'm not looking for trouble, so please bitch, don't give me any.

Hah, you wish you were them. Fuck you too, hater.

Shady Business, pt. 2

2009-09-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

So today I figured out two different things. That showed how SHADY guys really are. I can't believe it though. That's hella messed up. Tsk. Dramamamamamama.

So typing this on our new desktop! :DD Pretty much the only reason why I got on the computer, haha. Cause I usually wouldn't, I'd be studying Biology. Which reminds me, I can't even take my notes cause Dr. Fisher has my notebook. -.- I know, take notes on a separate piece of paper, BUT I HELLA OCD. So I'm just gonna read over the rest of chapter 6 tonight and prepare for the quiz tomorrow. OH SNAP. I think I do have to take notes, cause it's open note quizzes, yeah? MOTHAFUCKA. Damn it. Beebs is gonna be here in a couple of hours. Another distraction. Gaah, life is going on a weird pace right now. School work slowly building up, my patience is being tested, homecoming is in a month, the dance this friday, friendship dilemmas, all that sort of not so good stuff.

I need new clothes. -.-

Week two.

2009-09-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

And I'm already caving in. Sort of. Homework load isn't too much, it's just really time consuming. In school, pretty much got the mains established for this year, at least (: Joash got cut out of the ROP class so now he has lunch with us :D Aaand, transferred out of photos for leadership, and out of advisory for ASB homeroom. Cunningham isn't coming back for a while, so Lavaud is taking over. Which means, we're going over to Ms. Shah. Which isn't a bad thing, she's real chill to be with. But I honestly think Lavaud is one of the best you can ever get, as an advisor. Despite her overly OCD self, and her eccentricity, she gets things DONE. Hahaa, well classes have been alright so far, no dramamama, which is good. I run on about 5 hours of sleep and one 'full' meal a day. Haha, this shit's killing me, but I'm holding out as much as I can. I need to get past that breaking point, and then go on from there. It's something we all are eventually gonna do, sooner or later. So why not get it done and over with? Wednesday, newpark with Kim. Haggled for a phone cover and knocked six bucks off the tab, haha! BOSSSSS. I guess that should be enough updates for now. I'm gonna go sleep. Lates.

It's only been 3 days.

2009-09-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

So I haven't had a chance to even sit down and have some time for myself for the past 3 days, let alone go on the computer and everything. The kick off to sophomore year dropped a pretty damn bomb in my life. It's a big challenge, taking on Math and AP Bio at the same time. Peralta's real blunt in his fast-paced teaching method. But on an optimist's point of view, class time goes by really fast, and he teaches really well, actually. Fisher's class, everyone says he's bad and everything. Well guess what, you're all trippen baaaaalls. He's a great teacher, haha, and we've had about 2415657 life lessons already. His interaction with his students is really good too, haha. And even though the workload is just plain insane, I'm really willing to do it, because it will benefit me in the long run. That first talk he gave us really got to me, and it strengthen the hold that I had for AP bio. Because a couple of weeks before school started, I was hella considering about dropping the class, just to get flexibility with my hours out of school. But then now I'm all in, no matter what. Sure, it'll be hard. Sure, I might have to make a lot of sacrifices, but hey, there's a first for everything.

Never thought the day would come,

2009-08-20T00:59:00.000-07:00

When I would feel this way. I never thought I would feel, hurt. You know? Like it never crossed my mind that problems like this would show up. That we would be put through a test. But I guess it's getting to me that you're a constant reminder of certain things I wish I wasn't reminded about. And I'm not saying that you have it easy, even though it seems like it. I guess it's a different set of feelings I wouldn't know about. I don't even know what's going on in my life. In our life together. I guess sometimes it hurts how you don't put me in front of everybody else. But if there's anyone to blame, that would be me. Because I made you be my EVERYTHING in life. And I guess it hurts not to be the same to you. I wish I could tell you, and not be called stupid. Because I need you to listen. I need to tell you how I'm feeling. And that I don't blame you. But I wish for once, things are not about you. That maybe, for once, it could be about me.

I wish this would all pass and we're genuinely okay again.

Thoughts.

2009-08-13T11:24:00.001-07:00

I've been staying up real late at night nowadays. It's quiet, calm, cool. And because of this, I've been thinking a lot.

About the past, how things went from being carefree, the chill moments last summer, and the many revelations when school rolled in. The lies that caused tears. The denials that kept on repeating itself. The forgiveness that never faltered. Because I gave my all. Because forgiving meant not letting go. But letting go was never easy. Especially if I've held on for so long. Held on to false hopes, to all those lies that I chose to ignore. Held on even when I got so tired. Even when it took all the energy for me to. But I held on because I cared, because if I let go, then who would be there to care? Everyone thinks it's just a mere little thing, but it's much more than that. It was my life, it was what I woke up to. Help me let go of the past.

About the present, and how things are going right now. I don't feel the same anymore. But why can't I still let go? I try hard, I ignore texts, IM's, msgs. I guess I want to keep the friendship? I don't know. Right now, things are not at it's best. School is coming up real quick, and I'm not ready. Because I've been counting on the summer, for me to change into someone different, yet the same. I'm disappointed at myself, for not having willpover, for not having drive, determination, to the things that I should be concentrating on. Remember me not letting go? Where did that strength come from? And how come I can't channel it to where it has to be? I'm all plans, but no actions. I need stress to keep me off things, keep me occupied. Sometimes I want to be worn out, to be exhausted. Because I know I did something that day, something worth doing. Exhaustion keeps me from thinking about things. Yes, I remember now. Badminton season, I was trouble free. I concentrated on things that mattered the most, not on things that I have no control of. I need people pushing me to do my best. I can't do this alone. I can't wallow in low self esteem forever. Be there. Be my drive, my push, my determination.

About the Future, how things are gonna happen. I don't want to be surrounded with people hovering over best, because it reminds me how much better she is than me. I love her and all, but I wish she didn't shove it in my face. I wish she didn't talk about herself so much. Because what she is, is what I can't be. And now that she's coming to school with me, our friendship is gonna go through a huge test. Don't get me wrong, I'll make sure it all works out, but how much can I handle? How can I see her, around with the person I've been yearning for? It was easier when we lived our school lives separately. Now all the scandals, all the drama, is about to happen. But that's half the fun, ain't it? I need to pull myself together, and try not to get too affected. But because of this, I'm holding out on every person, keeping my guard up. "Cam, not every guy is like him". Easy for you to say. But after being beat so many times by the same situations, how are you going to prevent me from doubting every guy? Because half the time, it's not me, I'm just means to getting to other girls. And then when they get what they want, bye Camille. I don't wanna deal with that nonsense. Sophomore year. Let the drama begin.

OHNO.

2009-08-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

Haha, I'm slowwwwly falling into the Tumblr trap, LOL.

But I can't bear to leave this blog, because this, this has been through hell and back with me. It still amuses me to read my old ass posts, and see how much I've grown as a person. So here, I'll treat you to a heartfelt post...

Or not. I'm blanked out...

I'm so sorry. =(

Ultimatum.

2009-08-01T00:43:00.000-07:00

So yeah, here we go again, another round of second chances, given away. Call me stupid for not letting go, but hey, if it were that easy, I would've let go the moment I knew I had to. Obviously it's not going anywhere. But things have changed, it's not like the past anymore. Past is past, and I can't do anything about it. Maybe this can be a fresh start? I don't know. But please, don't make me regret that I didn't let go. Don't make me go through the tears yet again. You say you want to keep me around, but you've been pushing me away for so long. You say you need me in your life, so show me, make it happen.

Haha, in other news..

You intrigue me. A LOT. Not that I'm interested or anything. At least, not right now. I want to see where this goes, scope out the scene. Build up the friendship, the trust. So far it's been real nice talking to you and everything. But I have my guard up, and everyone's telling me to be careful. Because I don't want you to be the next guy to make me hurt and cry.

HURT.

2009-07-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Recently, emotions have been running through me real deep, and I've been wanting to vent it all out. But before I do, let me get this straight. This is me, and this is how I feel, I ask no sympathy whatsoever, and if you have nothing nice to say, just keep it to yourself, kay?

First off, I really need a break from my family. Well, not really like a 'stay-away' break, but more like, they need to let me actually LIVE my life. - I understand that this is the first time that they're going through the rough and tough teenage years, since I'm their first kid and all, but what have I done really, that won't let them trust me to know what's right from wrong? Okay, so call it paranoia, but I really don't need you to keep on worrying that I'm doing something wrong, because you should know me better than that. I really feel upset that you think I'm gonna go off and do something stupid. Is it cause of the people I hang with? Cause of what's going on with their lives? May I remind you that I'm my own individual, that no one controls what I do but myself? [Besides the fact that you are SUPER limiting me, I don't even get to do ANYTHING] I just wish that you can finally trust me and leave me be. I just want to be like, "Mom/Dad, I'm gonna go ______ with a bunch of friends and be back at ______, kay?" Don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from, that you just want me to be safe. But I want to live my life at the same time! You can't just keep me at home forever, you know? I want you to learn to let go of me, because I'm old enough to know what I'm doing. Sure, I still do depend on family to get by. But the thing is, sometimes, FAMILY itself is preventing me to get on with my life. I'm wasting away every minute, when I don't get to do something that I want for myself. And I really, REALLY hate the fact that you think I'm lying all the time. Because I'm not like that! Like seriously, I really just want to tell you EVERYTHING that goes on in my life. But I can't because our relationship never grew up to be that way. I'm not even gonna say what we've all been through these years. Another thing, is how I really feel so upset that we aren't close like how I want us to be. It hurts a lot how I don't even get to hug you, how awkward it is to say that I love you, and how much I need your affection. These are the years that I need you the most, but I get you the least. I know that I have to share, that's not the issue. I just never grew up being close to you. I want you to be my best friend, I want you to be the one I tell everything to, I want you to be more than just someone who's paying for the bills and feeding us and everything. It's really painful how back then, I felt so much closer to someone else than I did to you. That's not right. There shouldn't be ANYONE closer to me than you are. It hurts how I can't even tell you that anymore, and I know that things aren't gonna change. I know that one part, I wasn't what you really wanted, I wasn't one who you could really show off, and I know it's my fault. But why do you have to be so shallow? You BOTH don't know how much it kills me when you say, 'You should've looked more like this, or that, not how you are now". You know, I really am sacrificing everything else, just to make you proud. Doesn't matter what I give up, as long as I do good and keep it up. But when I bring home something, what do I get? "You better not mess around and lose that grade." No, compliments, no praises? I know it's nothing new, but does it matter? Should that keep you from showing that you're proud of me? Not a single day passes without me degrading myself, because of what you say to me. I know, it's for my own good in the end, but could you be any harsher? The looks, the comments, it all builds up inside. You don't know me, and you don't know how much hurt I've bottled in. If only you give me one chance to prove you wrong of everything you accuse me.

If only you give me one chance to go back in time and undo everything.

FEENIN?!

2009-07-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

Haha, definitely.

I know, I know, I try not to though (: But you know, bored times lead to one another! Haha, shii, I'm not even making sense. Blaah.

Weird ass dream.

2009-07-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

So last night I had this weird ass dream that me and __________ were hella bitching at each other and hella hating and everything... Haha, maybe it's cause the scene is constantly playing in my head? Yeeeah, sometimes I wish I didn't hold my words back, wish that I could be the bitch and have a devil-may-care attitude. But it's just not, me. Don't worry though, because of all these situations, I'm getting there. One day, oooh you better watch your back. Haha (:

Summahschool and more.

2009-07-21T17:29:00.001-07:00

And because of the neverending boredom at home, I decided to sign up for driver's ed in WHS, just to see some heads over there. Man, did I see A LOT OF HEADS [literally..]. So far, it's been okay, I'm learning, and chillin with Roxanne, Merdante, Joyce, and Charlotte. So far so goooooooooooood.

Walks home are quite, pacifying, I assume. It gives me time to think about everything under this scorching heat. Though the weather has been getting better recently! Someone needs to be my walking buddy, hahaha.

-I wasn't ready to see you, after a couple of weeks with you out of mind. If only it were possible not to see you anymore. It doesn't make it any easier, you know? I need closure. I REALLY do. So maybe, maybe I'll find a way to talk to you in person, and tell you all there is to say. And then it's goodbye from there.

Cut your hair.

2009-07-11T00:13:00.001-07:00

That's what I would say. Hahaha, what a daaaay. Well not really, didn't do much. Headed off to the library to get some books, haha, I have no life. But I love to read <3

There's not much about this summer that enthralls me. One thing did, but as usual, it never lasts long enough. It was sketchy though, and maybe it's all good that it didn't last long, cause that wouldn't end up right. Hahaha, I was hella down though.. And then tonight I encountered something, and I HELLA freaked out. Like lightweight hyperventilation, I swear. But it's all good now.

I kindof miss having someone to think about. I miss having that one person, running through my mind 24/7. I miss those butterflies. Those pointless random smiles. But who am I to complain?

fourth of july weekend!

2009-07-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Was craaackin! :D

Convinced my dad to let me sleepover at besfraan's, you know how?! By showing him my unchanged grades! Hahahha, it wasn't a biggie, but it convinced him. And I did need that out of the house feel, for once. So headed off to Chloe's house, talked talked talked, camwhored, got ready, headed off to their SJ casa. Okaaay, so Kuya KC wouldn't take us to the gig that they were gonna play at, because it's a rowdy crowd. Blaaah, and he took Elijah and Biboy? BULLSHIT. Those niggas are 2 years younger than us. It's a sexist thing, BOOOO. Hahaha. So thought we were gonna be stuck with the old people, til Kisha swooped us up and we left to pick up Thomas and Jezz. The roads were PACKED with people in their chairs, set up to watch the fireworks. Hella cops too! So after swooping T&J, got blush organic frozen yogurt from DeAngelo's work place thaang. Yumm (: Then drove up Sierra, couldn't find a parking spot, so parked on the side of the road. Alls well... Til the cops came and chased us away. Drove off to another hill and didn't find a spot, so just went food searching. Hit up WINGSTOP <3

Changes.

2009-07-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

So many changes, so little time.

So yeeeah, I'm back home now, from a week of fun fun fun. It's time to do what I gotta do before school starts again. Hahaha, stayed up HELLLA late last night, completely updating myspace tho! Check it out ;] I don't even know anymore, hahaha.

Got an unexpected text yesterday, serious throwback. It's summer again, are we gonna be like this again? And then what? When the school year rolls by, it's as if nothing went on. I ain't no summer thing, and you know it too. So stop frontin really, cause I am super super tired of you. My freshman year evolved around YOU, and tell you what, I REGRET IT. It wasn't worth it, definitely not. My sixteenth birthday fucked up because of YOU. Beeeen moved on, but you know, can't help those throwbacks that come from time to time. I miss you, like, forreal, but I can't do anything to change everything back to the way it used to be. Because I don't want to. Never again.

Summer. Let's make things happen.

San Deeyaygo.

2009-06-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha.

I have a massive massive headache right now, because of that roboarm ride in Legoland, where we were tossed around, upside down and everything, for I don't know how many times. And now, the thought of it makes me wanna hurl. Yuck. Ugh, hahaha, stupid headache tho! So yeeah, kinda wish I was still in Utah, even though we didn't do much over there, chillin at home with Hilary has seriously been the highlight of my summer. Daaang, you don't even know how we go! ;D Shopping and everything. ;P And now that I'm gone that chick's off having fun hahaha! But yeeah, vacation time is coming to an end pretty soon, driving home to Fremont on Wednesday afternoon-ish. I still can't believe I didn't have a chance to hit up the Stussy store in Vegas tho! THE HOTEL WAS RIGHT NEXT TO IT D: Seriously, I saw the store when we were leaving, early early morning. Blaaah. And we did come back last night, just to sleep, so it was closed. UGH. Bummer. Well, I think I'm gonna go to bed.

Sara! If you're reading this, I MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

@ UTAH!

2009-06-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

Soo currently at South Jordan, Utah, chillin with relatives, and this chick Hilary! Hahaha, Fun though, boutta head off to the District to watch TRANSFORMERS 2! And then go sightseeing though, cause this place is NICEEEE. And yeah tomorrow, hittin up Park City, Utah. SHOPPAAANG.! Best summer so faaar.
But when we're back home? Hahahaha, gonna be helllla WACK.

Bye.

Waking up in VEGAS.

2009-06-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I actually like that Katy Perry song! :D

Anyways, VEGAS! All the hype, I'm not sure the place lives up to it though. It's nice at night, but in the afternoon? SCORCHING HOTTTT. It was overall fun though, but to get the most out of it it's better if you're older, casino and shows and shaaat. Not really much of a kid place! xD Hotel was nice and errthang, got the couch! Hahah. Anyways, headed off to Utah though!

Last Night,

2009-06-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Out with friends to watch besfraaan's dance recital thaang. First off, waited for an HOUR and a HALF for my ride to come. Blaaah, but made it on time tho! :D Haha, it was SO DAMN HILARIOUS, with the guys in manthongs [in those provincial tribal kind of outfits], we couldn't stop LAUGHING. Yeeah, and the chicken like dance. xD Intermission; Martin's gay ass locked himself outta the venue so had to go and open the door for him. Chris was there, and when I gave him a hug, Auntie Phoebe gave me a look. Hella scared LOL. I met the infamous Doney Mik, finally hahahah. They're a buncha crazy camwhoring people! It was a chill night. Came home at midnight.

Sara girl, I hope you have a safe trip to HongKong and back, and to wherever else you're going. Keeeeep blogging tho, and keep me updated, as I will do the same. I loooove you girl, miss you already.!

Transition; SUMMER!

2009-06-18T22:50:00.001-07:00

Okaaay, so I haven't had the chance to blog about the last days of school, and hopefully my dad doesn't come out of his room so I can do this right now.!

Haha okay sooo;

Finals were arright, easy peasy. Biology, not so much, but aint trippen about that class. Not reaally, hahaha. Oh snaaap, dramamama the last week of school with this girl tho! Drama, RESOLVED? I guess so. On the 16th, Sara's surprise partay! Hello Kitty cakeeee (: I'll post pics up later, or maybe, you should go check it out on my myspace, yee? So the party was pretty alright, props to Dat for stressing out and making it happen! Haha, we all wish we had a boyfriend like him, no? ROFL. Yeeah, check out Sara's blog for a quick summary of the party xD

And thennn, yestuhday, was Jessica's party! Okay after school, I realized that I can't really pull off spontaniety, because I get all confused and beffudled and shat. I like things that go according to plan, or I guess lightweight planning? Yeeah, because I stood there with the twins, Sherie, and Fonzi, yelling on the phone at Russell for going home and leaving us, hahaha. And tryna figure out what to do before the party. So headed to besfraaan's house and chilled for an hour or so, because she started summah school, TODAY! Bummer, no? Walked to Russell's and got a ride to the party. Loud music, food, swimming pool, sunshine, friends, laughs, boys, chicas, pictures, dancing, it was aaaaallll goood! Haha, yeeah it was really pretty fun, overall :D Wish we coulda danced more though. ;D

Today; off to greatmall with the fam. Missed 09 graduation ;(
Tomorrow; hopefully Sara can come chill for a bit, before she leaves for HK. And dinner out.
Saturday; morning- upload a bazillion songs; night- besfraan's dance recital thangthang.
Sunday; Ushering at church, father's day BBQ at church, DVDS!
Next two weeks; ROAD TRIP! [San Diego, Las Vegas, Utah] :DDD

Summer; off to a good start!

Just a couple more.

2009-06-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

5 days of school left tho!

All that we do these few days is sign yearbooks, finish up final projects, study for finals, and then, party all night long, ahahaha (: Finals are coming up tho, nothing to worry about, except for the Biology one. Speaking of, I can mostly get a low B on the bio lab that I just turned in. Argh. Stressed over things, and not get what's worth? Screw it. Spanish class is a drag, just kinda cruisin along in that. Oh oh, I found out that Mrs. Rojas is teaching Spanish 4 AP next year, YAY! :D It's gonna be hard, but I FREAKING love that teacher tho, she's one the besssst. Hoping to get Vega for Spanish 3. Hahaha. Foods class, well, finals are over, so like that class is like free period. Might just get excused and chill in Ms. Shah's room, haha (:

Okay, so I tried, one more time, to try to get back to being friends with her. But now that "Girl and Boy" are officially going out, I don't think it's gonna happen anymore. I don't get why she's gonna be mad at me though, just cause I'm friend's with "Girl"? I didn't do anything. I still miss her though.

Hey you, maybe it's time to stop caring so much about what people think, what people say, about the people who hate, the people who give you those mean mugging looks. Cause honestly, those people do not care about you. And what they think, is just their opinion, and you shouldn't let yourself be affected about it. So what if people are talking? You're not doing anything wrong, so don't EVER listen to them. Listen to those who care, not to the people who just say shit just cause they have nothing else to do with their lives but meddle with other people's businesses. You're far better off without people who would put you down, people who would upset you. Don't let anyone's words upset you, don't let those looks faze you. Just do your thing, and everything will fall into place.

I want to make a big big cake.

TEN MINUTES.

2009-06-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to blog allla this in 10 minutos.

So yesterday was Sean's party part 2, hahaha. It was pretty alright, chill time with people mostly. And then drama happened with Andrew's ipod getting lost. Ruined the whole party mood tho! So yeah, and then they started boxing, and Daryl, I guess he got hit pretty bad, cuz he started crying and everythang. So dadadada, did some talking, and got in the jumper too! Hahahaha.

Todaaay;

Finished my Spanish project! AAAAND MY CHARTS FOR THE PE FINAL PROJECT. I feel so accomplished, LOL. I missed a quinceanera party though.. sucks. Oh, and haha, Joyce and I were just talking about next year's homecoming weeek, and all of our plans and everythang! Got me HELLLLUH EXCITED for next year, seriously, bring it on, bitches!

Yay, I posted alla this in 4 minutos (:

I feeel;

2009-06-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

Affected by what she said.
I don't know if she's talking about me, but if she is, I'm kindof disappointed. We used to be so close to each other, and it all happened so fast. It was a give and take. I miss her. She was a really good friend of mine, and we really did bond well. And now this whole boy thing going on, I doubt that our friendship would ever go back to the way it was. Honestly, I don't know why I lost the ones that mean the most to me. The people who at that moment, seemed to be the ones who would definitely stick around no matter what, they are the very first ones to drift away.. I try not to think about it too much, but seeing them everyday doesn't help. I'm glad that school's almost over, at least this way our paths won't cross too much. Now I remember all those plans we made, back when we were still really good friends. I remember how we all thought we would make it through the year, how we thought that hey, maybe our friendship really would stand the test of time. Time. It was only about 3-4 months. Now it worries me, and now I'm afraid of getting too attached to ANYBODY, because I know, losing them, it's hard to handle. I don't want to end the year with a sad note.

Maybe I should try talking to her again, ask her to sign my yearbook or something. I thought about what I was going to write in her yearbook, if she has one. I thought about what I was going to write in his yearbook, if he has one. I thought about how things would've been if nothing changed, and we stuck together.

This year, I gained good friendships, and lost great ones.

Sick and Tired

2009-06-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously fed up with the immature people in school these days.
Seriously, hit people with a paddle? Throw the tennis balls into the pool? Hello, you're in HIGH SCHOOL. And, on top of that, you're a GIRL too! Grow up already, and stop fucking around. And then you ask me if I SNITCHED on you? Come on, what are you gonna do, SIT on me? Seriously though. I'm not scared, and if anything, you should be the one scared.

Free Block;

2009-06-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to do in foods class besides plan for the final project, so I bounced to the library to convert my PE word file into 97-03 compatible one. The project is going slowly, and uhh, not surely, hahaha. This spacebar goes off on its own, it's pretty creepy... Anyways, 10 mofuckin days of school left! :DDDD Summer, summer, summer. What to do, what to do.... I don't know, but hopefully I do something productive.

-I really REALLY hate girls who think they're all that. I mean, okay, self-confidence and all, that's good, but to like, rub it in everybody's face and everything? AND suck up to the teacher cuz they're "THE BEST" and alla that shit? Gimme a break... People these days, GIRLS these days get on my nerves I sweaaar.

On a brighter note,

We held a meeting in advisory, voting on next year's homecoming week theme. Overall theme, VEGAS BABY! Yeee! Haha. We're hoping on getting Treasure Island, and if not, Luxor. Other than that, it's pretty shitty.

Gaah.

2009-06-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

There's so much work left to be done, and I can't seem to get the motivation to do it! I'm really pissed at myself, because I know I can do this, it's just that I don't really want to do it though. It really doesn't help giving the paper two months in advance, because I will always do it at the lassssst minute, and therefore, it's always half-assed. But I usually pull through anyways. Why do we have to do this PE shaat anyways? It's a waste of time...

Hahaha, I heard this song today, and it was super catchy, I couldn't stop listening to it. It's pretty dumb, but the lyrics are funny. Shit, I made Kim listen to it and she was hella feeelin the song HAHAHAHA! Yeah yeah, I know its hellluh nasty, but oh well, grow up.

My Dick- Mickey Avalon

My dick cost a late night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD
My dick- bigger than a bridge
Your dick look like a little kid's
My dick- large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your shit look like you fourteen
My dick- locked in a cage, right
Your dick suffer from stage fright
My dick- so hot, it's stolen
Your dick look like Gary Coleman
My dick- pink and big
Your dick stinks like shit
My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude
My dick is like super size
Your dick look like two fries
My dick- more mass than the Earth
Your dick- half staff, it needs work
My dick- been there done that
Your dick sits there with dunce cap
My dick- V.I.P.Your shit needs I.D.

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick served a whole lunch-in
Your dick- it look like a munchkin
My dick- size of a pumpkin
Your dick look like Macaulay Culkin
My dick- good good lovin'
Your dick- good for nothin'
My dick bench pressed 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty
My dick- pretty damn skippy
Your dick- hungry as a hippie
My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippine
My dick is like an M16
Your dick- broken vending machine
My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick- rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle
My dick goes to yoga
Your dick- fruit roll-up
My dick- grade-A beef
Your dick- Mayday geek
My dick- sick and dangerous
Your dick- quick and painless
My dick- 'nuff said.
Your dick loves Fred

It's time that we let the world know
Dude, you gotta let your girl go
D.S. is the best in the business
P.S. we got dicks like Jesus

Hurrro.

2009-05-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

My weekend was a bore. Spent Saturday working on projects and homework, didn't even finish much of it. I hate being such a procrastinator. Seriously, this isn't working out for me. Anywaaaays, Today, church! Saw the bestie, as usual. Oh bejeeez.

"People with cameltoes shouldn't wear pants like that. I could slap that bitch right now".

Major yuck.

Haha, oops.

2009-05-29T15:40:00.001-07:00

Got a little too complacent over there, went all baaaaad, Hahaha. Tsk tsk.
Oh, and isn't tonight the PBL night? I still feel bad that I'm not participating in it, feel helllluh left out. =/ But, I'm going tonight, to kinda help out whoever needs it. :]

Hahaha, I'm such a fucktard. Today's not my day.

LEAUGE. ?!

2009-05-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

And that's why people who can't spell, shouldn't work at a T-shirt printing place.

Today, headed off to WHS for the ILC conference. League of Leaders, based off a Harry Potter theme. It was pretty cool, the icebreakers were kind of ridiculous though, but oh well.

workshop #1- Involving The Uninvolved
That was pretty intense, the video about bullying was crazy. And that's where I met Kim Chatterjee, Dylan's older sister. Funny, I don't even talk to dylan anymore.

workshop#2- Time/Stress Management
This workshop was kind of stupid, but the icebreaker was rated R. It was called RIDE THAT PONY. "Ride ride ride that pony, ride ride ride that pony, ride ride ride that pony, ride that pony ride! Front front front that pony, back back back that pony, side side side that pony ride that pony ride!" Holy shaaaaat. That was craaaazy. Hahahaha.

workshop#3- Personality Styles
Pretty interesting, apparantly, I am pretty melancholic? I guessssss. "Choleric? I don't wanna be that, it sounds like a disease!"

workshop#4- Spirit/Rallies
Learned useful information for our events next year, can't wait to put that into use!

meet swaps
Talked with random groups of people for 13 minutes each, that was pretty interactive too. Got ideas for lunchtime activities from that one mission guy. And since we're closing campus next year, lunch time activities should be heightened up and be more interesting than ever, no?

Keynote speaker: Keith Hawkins
He is by far, one of the BEST speakers I have ever heard in my life. It was like watching stand up comedy! Hahaha, and Mr. Cunningham is gonna try to get him to speak at Kennedy! (:

Overall, it was a really good day (:

Cause I'm a G.

2009-05-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

I guess we're supposed to work on our goals menu for foods class. Thankfully, I got the permission to make mine as a powerpoint. Hahaha.

On a brighter note;

I went SHOPPPPPPING with the bessssts, at the Gilroy Outlets. Boyyy, we went ALL OUT. It's insaaanity. No guilt! But get caught up, and die mofucka.

Whaaaat?!

2009-05-23T16:13:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what I was gonna blog about -.-

Soooo, to those people, HAVE FUN AT PROM + afterparties!
Hahaha, boy you should be glad it's a three day weekend, gives you time to recover! :DD

I lahhyou guys <3

Reminiscing ain't so fun.

2009-05-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

In bio class today, I had an interesting conversation with joyce. Kinda brought up the past I had with _______, after talking about my failed attempt to befriend ________ again, even though I still have absolutely no idea why we stopped being friends in the first place. Joyce told me, that in high school, you find out who your true friends are, who are the ones who stick around no matter what. I honestly have no idea who they are yet, come to think of it. Of course, there's my best friend, and we've been through 2 years of everything, and we still stuck together. She's going off to college in a year though, so I don't know how that's gonna go. Well, it's kind of depressing thinking about this so I shall stop my rant.

Not so unity week.

2009-05-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's day two of unity week, and not very many people are dressed up and everything. There's barely any eye catching decorations, and they don't have any lunchtime activities. I suppose everyone in leadership is concentrating more on prom decorations. So in the end, it's all about the seniors anyways. Hopefully the rally is much more exciting than what this whole week is going to be. Gotta step it up, people.

Oh, on a sad note, I didn't get accepted to the peers program for next year. Not that I was sure enough that I was gonna get in, but it was a pretty high chance. Or so they said. Well, hopefully all those who got picked deserves the class. Congratulations, saaaawa. <3

I have an ouchy.

2009-05-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

Right over hurrrr.
Hit my elbow on the stool today in bio class. HURTS LIKE A BEEEEZY.

Happy Birthday Sean Climaco :]

-I miss you girl.

All Baaaad.

2009-05-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

It's like whatever right now, but I don't know how it's gonna be like when it starts sinking in. What are we gonna do? Seems chill right now, but when time passes, it's gonna get worse. Hopefully a solution can be found sooooooon, because I don't like how it's gonna turn out if it doesn't. SERIOUSLYYYYY.

-So I guess this is it then? Here we go again, same old shit, you don't talk to me, I don't talk to you, dadadada until someone needs something. And that, is usually you. I can't help but still look around to catch a glimpse of you. And to think you asked me never to give up, never to just let go? Okay, so when will the time come, when you do YOUR part in this so called friendship? I'm getting really really fed up with what we have man. Effyou.

FML.

2009-05-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

yeaah, it's THAT bad.

Couldn't print out my bio lab at the library. Found out that I'm missing two parts of my bio lab. Almost got in trouble in PE. Printed out the lab in 3rd block. The ink ran off. Had to write half of the lab down. Turned in the lab. Got my other lab back. Got an 85 on it. Walked home. Got here, and realized, I left my harddrive in 3rd block.

IT HAS EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING IN IT.

FUCCCCCCCCCK THIS.

Weekend,

2009-05-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

Definitely TOPS the weekdays.
Satuhday; Jyanea's fifteeeenth. Good food, good weather, good fun. Russell and Sean came last minute, and it was all laughs throughout the party.
Sundaaay; Mother's Daaaay, Momma was at work tho. So church with the rest of the fam, and just chilled with best. Found out that auntie melba's dad was in the hospital for 8 daaays. But now he's out. Got hellluh scared though. We might all visit him at home on tuesday, perhaps?

-Hah, my dad actually stopped in front of your house, and asked me to get out and greet your momma happy mother's day. Seriously though? I love your family, they're nice. But you? I have second, third, two thousandth thoughts about that.

Please.

2009-05-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

Why can't I be your priority?
For a single second, a single minute, a single day?
When I need your help, why can't you be there?
Why can't you lend a listening ear, why can't you show that you care?
You think everything's alright,
And you believe everything in your sight.
Why won't you ask me what's wrong?
Do you think I'm that strong?
All I needed was someone to trust,
someone to talk to, that's just a must.
Your innocent hugs make me want to hold on,
Hold on until you realize what's going on.
Please, I cry out a plea,
I need you there, just for me.

Couldn't help it,

2009-05-06T17:08:00.000-07:00

But to let them flow.
It's not easy to hide. Hide everything that you want to scream out, hide everything that you want them to know. It seeps out sometimes, yearning to get something, but never gaining anything. I don't like the feeling of loneliness, of being lost. It eats me inside. Being by yourself isn't fun. Not when you see other people around you, with somebody else. Not when you know, that you don't deserve this. Not when, whoever left you, is just right there. Not when you don't even know what you did wrong. So many questions running through my mind. Stop it, please.

You,
I was always there for you, even if you didn't want me to. I always reached out a helping hand, knowing that you could use one. Even last night, I did my best to stop you from being upset. But today, I asked for a favor, if we could talk, and I said, "I really need someone right now". What did you say? "K. I'm gonna be at ampm. Go there." Like that helped one bit? You're gonna be with your friends, how am I supposed to talk to you in that atmosphere? I needed your attention, I needed your care. I needed you, just for that second. I needed you, to be there. But even you can't do what I did for you. Just a simple listening ear was all I needed. But no, even that, you can't provide. And then I waited for you, thinking, hey, maybe he'll come talk to me now that he's done chilling with his buddies. How stupid of me, for you just simply walked past. And with fresh tears in my eyes, I watched you walk away.

With the tears rolling down my cheeks, welling up my eyes, blurring my vision, I watched the world walk away.

Intuition.

2009-05-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

I had a feeling it already happened.
Seeeee, you used to tell me EVERYTHING. And now if I hadn't checked your myspace, I wouldn't have known for sure. But I had the gut feeling, yaknow?

Someone, tell me why things changed.
Because seriously, I KNOW this isn't for the better..

I feeeeeeel,

2009-05-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

Unappreciated.

You asked me for a favor, I took you in. Left who I used to hang out with so you wouldn't feel alone. Because I cared, because I understood how it felt to be unwanted. So things went by greatly for a month or two, and then all of a sudden, I can't seem to find you around school anymore. I see you, always, but it's like you're not there. I get a hi, a hello, but what do simple words do for me? Nothing. Words, unimportant words, I could go without them. I guess you choose to be with those who isolated you in the first place. I guess now you feel like you belong again. Maybe I wasn't the right person to stick around with. We had a lot of things we agreed on, and we disagreed on the same things. I really thought you were gonna be one of the 'bests', but apparantly, things can change in such a little time. We went from being good friends, to acquaintances. I hope that you're happy where you are now, and if ever you feel like you need someone to be with again, I'll be glad to take you in. But a little thank you, would be much, much appreciated. I really miss hanging out with you though.

Tired.

It's the end of badminton season for me, as of today. Played in the MVAL at Washington, it was a fun experience. Played against the same girl I played with the first match of the season. Funny, first and last match with the same person. Other than the defeat, it was a great bonding time for us. Hopefully going again tomorrow to hang out. My knees are acting up again. They made me wonder, maybe it's something serious. As usual, no support from family whatsoever. "You lose all your games anyways, you're better off resting at home instead of going to practice everyday. When you injure your knee for good, who's gonna have to pay all those bills?". Good thing season's over, even though I plan on continuing to train for it anyways.

What did you just call me?

2009-05-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

"SKANK."

Ha, You really should watch what you say to me.

And if you DO say something, say it to my face.

Watch your words, or you'll regret it.

I'm not scared of your little self, or your big friends either.

Someone needs an attitude check.

Lost...

2009-04-30T23:53:00.001-07:00

Why do I suddenly feel so lost?
It's like I have nowhere to go anymore, no one to be with.
What went wrong?
I feel like a fool, walking around by myself, while everyone else just looks on.
Where did everyone go?
Did I just wake up today to find that everyone else moved one step forward, leaving me behind?

You can tell me I'm not alone, but that's how I feel.
I guess I'm back at square one.

- Why do I keep on doing this? Why do I keep on searching the crowd, wondering where you are? Why do I tell myself that it's done and over with? Is that true? I definitely don't feel the same as I did before, but could I be looking for something more? I'm in the point of my life where apathy threatens to step in, and that affects everything. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I've lost my sense of direction. Lord, please, lead me back to the right way.

- Paranoia. Sometimes, it bothers me when I read your words. Idk why, but I keep on thinking you're talking about me. I don't want to lose our friendship. And even though I know, sometimes, I can be just too much, please remember, it's only because I care. Now that I think about it, you're pretty much the only one I have that's worth it. Please stay, don't go. Because if you do, then I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if I've done anything wrong. Sorry.

I don't understand myself. I don't understand how I can put everything just to make sure someone else is happy, yet I do not know how to make myself happy. I've helped solved one too many problems, yet I can't solve my own. I shower my love to those I care for, yet I myself can't find the same. I give my all, yet I barely get anything back. So why is it I can't stop everything, and figure out something for myself? Is this what my purpose in life is, to make other people happy? If so, who's purpose is it to make me happy? I told him, that he shouldn't love anyone more than himself. I told her, that she should learn from her mistakes. I told him, that he shouldn't hope for something that he knows would hurt him anyways. So why, why do I not listen to my own words?

Henry Cho!

2009-04-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

"Is a Dirty Asian"

-Margaret Nguyen.

And to prove that, I, Camille Florentino, have witnessed his 'dirtiness'. April 29, 2009 12.00pm. Here in John F. Kennedy High School, room 400, Henry looked up nasty shaaat in craigslist. Hahaha, not forrreal though. Just for fun, cause we were HELLLLA bored. One of the most disturbing one was. "I'm not a woman but I like to show boobs". Cracking up so BAD in the classroom. x]

I made a tumblr, because the whole reblogging thing intrigued me. And I plan that to be like a photo/reblogging kind of blog, Haha. But I'll keep the writing things here, just cause this blog has been through a looooong way, and I'd like to keep on posting and sit one day, four years from now, and read through what I wrote over the past years <3

Early Start.

2009-04-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Why would you wake me up an hour and a half earlier on a Wednesday morning?
This is tortureeeeeee. I'm still fucking sleeepy.

FYL. Cuz mine's aightttt.

Psst. Don't trip about it. Member that word I'm trying to explain to you? JUST DO IT <33

Nin-ten-duh-oh.

2009-04-28T12:04:00.001-07:00

Jodi Wykle knew her son would be thrilled when she gave him a new Nintendo DS for his birthday.

Instead, he was rocked.

According to WTSP-TV, the confused teen opened up his gift only to find bunch of stones and a rolled up Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.

All I got was a rock.

Needless to say, mom was equally stunned.

"When he opened it, he was pulling the seal off, my sister-in-law carries a pocket knife and she opened it and that's when he pulled it out and it was Chinese newspaper and a bunch of rocks," she explained.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

"They don't want to do nothing. They want me to keep the box of rocks. I'm not buying a box of rocks for $138," she said.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

It's not the first time Wal-Mart has gotten into hot water for selling a questionable handheld. Earlier this month, a PSP system bought at a different Wal-Mart store in Florida was found to contain a memory stick filled with pornographic images.

-I'd probably thrown rocks at walmart if they didn't give me a full refund. Lol. But this article was damn hilarious xD

Thank you Anna for your concern.

Thank you Sara for everything.

I guess things are pretty okay now, just on the lookout for any trouble..

-star testing with notes? hilarious.

Goodbye.

2009-04-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

Can I handle that?

Have you ever cried so hard and so much, you felt like your head was about to fall off?
I HAVE.
Have you ever felt so nervous, you wanted to throw up?
I HAVE.
Have you ever struggled to figure out a solution to a HUGE, seemingly unsolvable problem?
I HAVE.
Have you ever felt like all the life has been sucked out of you, and you're sitting there, like an empty shell?
I HAVE.

-I don't know what's gonna happen after this debacle. What's the consequences? What's the impact? What's gonna happen to her? To me? To us? To them? So many questions, to which I'm afraid of finding out what the answers are.

Stay strong.

HOT.

2009-04-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

Hot hot hot hot weatherrrrr.
Forreals tho! Haha, last night, surprise visit from the bests; Chloe and Joash. It was fun just chillin, hahah in pajamas too?! Yeeeeh.

Guess who I'm matching today.
Yeeeah,...

Hahah, I'm just really bored in pastry arts, doing a menu project and yeah, blehh. I'm out now I guesss.

DSLR.

2009-04-18T01:06:00.000-07:00

There's no better use for a DSLR than a day at golden gate park.
Seriously, I was looking through pictures of the park, and like, it's GORGEOUS.
I'm going serious photography mode tomorrow, or should I say, later today.
Well, as serious as I can get with a 10mp digital camera.
Still takes decent pictures though.
Though, promise me, you'll take me back there once I get my DSLR.
PLEASE.

I should get some sleep.

They Say.

2009-04-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

"You become who you hang most with".

I say;
1) I agree, because people who you're always with would influence you in every possible way, and you would to, to them, even if both parties never realize it.
2) I disagree, because I don't wanna be deemed as a carbon copy of someone else. [even though that's genetically impossible, unless you're twins yadayadayada]. And neither would the other person.
3) I am who I am, you are who you are, and if it ever occurs that I become you, and you become me, then I have chosen to hang with the best.

Today was quite... interesting. Let's leave it at that.

You call this BREAK?

2009-04-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

Nigga.

Hahahaha. I'm bored shitless at home, with the same routine for the past three days. Can't get out, have to stay at home with the kids. Bleh. What kind of Spring Break is this? 3 more days and we're back in school again. Eff that! Gotta see the weekend mains somehow, before break's overrrrr. Can't even go to practice, even if it's right THERE. watched movies alllll day maaan.

A MUST WATCH.

Hahaha, just cause(:

Hilarious!

This one, is really good too. WATCH IT!

A DAY OUT;

2009-04-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

With the BFFL <3

Got a call at around 7.30, got ready and left at around 9ish. Hit up Downtown San Jose, Tech Museum hahahaha. Had fun, even though it was a kid place? Buh yeahh, it's coo. Lunch at quiznos. aaand then, Mission Santa Clara. It's GORGEOUS. Yes, yes indeed. "Can you have a christan marriage in a catholic church?" Hahaha. They had those old fashioned grandesque church organs. I just wished they played it. Hit up Stanford University. HUGE campus. Got lost, intended to go to the mall, ended up in the nuclear facility. "ID PLEASE!" Hahahaha. We're never gonna let that off. Saw a bug. Started freaking out. "Can you kill that?" "No, Hahahahah, I'm scared". x]

I just LOVE days spent with the BFFL.

Lose.

2009-04-09T18:38:00.001-07:00

Washington game.
I feel so upset at myself, knowing that I could have done so much better than I did. The look on coach's face was painful. He shouldn't have said all what he said. Saying it was all his fault, when it wasn't. I could've done harder. Could've won that game. But I lacked it. And I know, that was NOT coach's fault.

School's out for Spring Break.

Dougherty.

2009-04-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

16:1

First Varsity Win of the Season for me :D

Relieved

2009-04-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

Not a failure anymore :]

Brought my grade back up to an A in a week. It's a great accomplishment, and I'm happy about it (:

This weekend has been GRRREAT! Hahahah. Out with the BFFL and company to celebrate Hanna's 20th. 3 days in a row breh! (: Hit up Gmall and watched Fast and Furious. Goood movie, you should watch it :] Bought new shoes. Haven't been out shopping, so yeah, it's a good thing. Hahahaha.

Things are quite the way the used to be. Semi. I just want this to last. Or better yet, become what I've always wanted it to be.

Lost 5 :D

Note; Always remember what I told you. I can see, I can feel, and you know I'll do what I can to make it work like it's my own. Love you!

Stress.

2009-04-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Getting to me, trippin over everything.
Back on varsity, but Yan and I are trying for mixed doubles today.

Yesterday was pretty unexpected. Lunch? Weird.
It was like back then. Only I know it's different. I wonder if he does too.
I'm not sure where this is going, but I'm ready to jump off the ride when it goes wrong.
I'm not about to sit comfortably, thinking it's going my way.
Because I know, nothing goes my way.

Game tomorrow at Irvington.
I wonder if I'll see Brandon. Haven't seen that kiddo for just about almost a year now.

Bio grade down to a B-
They don't know how much this kills me.
"Hey, it's a pretty good grade"
"Anything below an A is failing"

I'm a failure.

Frustrating.

2009-03-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

Wants VS Needs

I want to get better at badminton.

I need to get better at badminton.

I want to raise my grade up back to an A in Bio.

I need to raise my grade up back to an A in Bio.

I want you.

I need you.

Exhaustion

11 hours of sleep doesn't quite cut it. Almost 6 hours of physical activity yesterday. It's a good thing, and a bad thing too. I need to focus more on Biology than anything else right now. There is NO WAY I'm having a B in my transcript. I know I can do better, and I WILL do better. I promise you that. Even if it kills me.

Game.

2009-03-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

Let's do this.

I'm just hoping that it isn't all coming back to me now. If you want to give it another shot, I'm down. But take things slow. I don't even know if I want everything to happen again, but I guess the feeling will always, always be there. Inevitable.

I just wanted to say.

-I'm pissed at you for being such a follower. Grow some balls and think for yourself.

-I'm sorry if what I did offended you. I just wanted to have some fun. Sorry.

-Don't go saying you're better than me, when you have no shit to back your sorry ass up.

You're more than a second chance.

2009-03-22T23:22:00.001-07:00

-Everyone saw it coming.

My intuitions were right! :D And somehow, even though it's a little too complicated already, I have faith in you two, that you will work it out. Remember what I told you. And I have more to say. In such a short amount of time, we've gotten really close, and I can't say we'll keep it this way forever, but I can guarantee you I'll try to make it last. We've talked about a lot of things, and no matter what happens, I will be here for you.

-This song,

Reminds me of you. And you're no regret of mine about friday night, I had fun :] You're one great guy, though I wish you dressed better. Haha, Kim told me to tell you to get fitted. Lol :P You're cute anyways. But I know better than to fall for you. Not now. Not yet.

-What now?

Really didn't expect that. You trying to talk to me again? Alright, lets see what game we're playing this time. First a comment, next on AIM, and a sudden phonecall. I wanted to pick up the phone, I longed to hear your voice on the other line for so long, but why didn't I? *shrugs* I wish I did. Didn't know what you needed. I have no heart to shrug you off, not now, when I know what you're going through isn't easy. I want to tell you that I'm here for you. I never stopped being here for you. The only thing I stopped was taking an initiative to do things. Because I know, that will throw me back to square one. It took a lot to get where I am now, and I'm already slipping. I'm holding on to what I can, because when I let go, who knows where I'm gonna land?

-Chance.

Seems like everyone's giving them out. Maybe I should too. The year went by really fast. And I don't think I want to end it when we're like this. Let's see how long this game will last. Maybe this time, I can possibly win.

SAYDEEES.

2009-03-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

Went GREEEEAAAT.
I swear, lol.
All those work for prepping were really worth it :D
I have regrets though :[
But its okaaaay, there's always a next time.
NEXT SCHOOL YEAR. -.-

Haha, sadies changed something bout me :P
And I like it. HAHAHAHA.

I hate you-

2009-03-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

But I love you.
Why can't I decide? I thought I was done with you, but now I don't know. I thought I've had enough, but now I don't know. I thought I'm done crying over you, but now I don't know.

I don't like being unsure.
It's ironic how just a couple of days ago, I was telling ____ not to be unsure, and yet now, I myself am unsure.

I just thought you should know, that it pained me not to help you out.
I just thought you should know, that it took a lot for me to walk away from you.
I just thought you should know, that I really miss you.

But things are never going back to the way they were.

Change.

2009-03-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

Like Barack Obama said, It's time for change!

Moving into a new house is stressful, but it's definitely worth it. The feeling of experiencing something new, and knowing that everything is off to a fresh start.
I don't guarantee that I'm completely happy, but I'll get there.

Issue;

Him. He used to be my happiness, but now he's my annoyance. I used to feel... Happy? whenever I see him, but now, it's just whatever. The mere sound of his voice used to give me butterflies, but now I cringe whenever I hear it. The sight of him used to make me smile, but now, I have no reactions. We used to talk for hours on the phone, but now, not even a single text I recieve from him. It used to be fun walking home with him, but now, it feels like he isn't even there. The words of my mouth about him used to be praises or awe, but now, it's always something bad about him that I talk about. I used to look forward to wednesdays, knowing that he's gonna come over so I can tutor him, but now, I'd rather be doing something else. I used to think about him every second of the day, but now, all I remember is how much I went through because of him.
He used to be my everything, but now, he's just nothing to me.

I'm sick and tired of being, sick and tired.
I'm looking for a cure, a kind of love i can endure.
After all that I've been through,
I'm now sure it can't be you.

risky business.

2009-03-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

Never ever again.
I felt like my heart was about to fall out of place.

I suddenly feel so stressed out. I'm in need of a good night's rest, enough sleep, the whole deal. But I never get that. Schoolwork are piling up, badminton is tiring; I love it though. Thinking of running for ASB secretary, but it totally slipped my mind that if I make it, I will lose working with the class officers. Mmhm. So yeah, still thinking about it. Gymnastics in PE is a crackup. I swear, I'm about to fail that class. x] Kind of strained my hamstring yesterday, it hurts to walk now. I feel weak, like I'm barely getting through the day sometimes? Yeah. I'm just really eager to finish up with the moving. I'm in need of a fresh start.

Badminton match against Irvington. It was fun, I feel sorry for Sara for not being able to play. =/ Playing varsity singles is very very tiring. It's not my thing, I'm used to playing doubles. I lost my game; 21-7 and 21-4. But Anna and I won our game 21-12. :] Overall, it was good :]

I'm off to work on more school stuff now. Bye.

Shocker.

2009-03-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

Currently in comp lab for cooking class;

After PE, I got called in by Ms. O'neil, and she registered my classes.
CHANGED MY CHEM HONORS TO AP BIOLOGY.
I'm trippin out over it, because I heard that class was INSANE, and that's why everyone's signing up for Chem Honors next year. But no, that's not the sequence. Eff it.

Also, I have to take Spanish 3 and 4 AP next year, back to back.

Oh, the joy. -.-

Weekend was spent packing and packing and packing boxes, and moved most of them into the house. The apartment feels so empty, but so cluttered. I can't wait to move. ONE MORE WEEEEEEK :]

Poor Paula and Anna are sick; FEEL BETTER DEARS! <33

Pain;

2009-03-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

Conditioning. Hurts. A. Lot.

- We're pretty much okay now, and I'm pretty much over you now.

Though I can't help but reminisce about the good old days. I guess you'll be in my heart forever.