Dissatisfied.

I've been meaning to blog for a long time but something or another always comes up when I'm about to. But anyway, January was hell month for me. Constant attempts at studying, and ridiculous amounts of work needed to be done, and well, there wasn't any time for anything else. Overall, I can only wish that I studied more, that I focused more on certain things instead of wasting my time doing irrelevant things. Not to dwell in the past but I did fail myself at obtaining something that I really wanted, because I didn't work hard enough for it. But life goes on.

New classes, chill first week, but now the work's starting to come in. It still is nothing compared to last term, but the extensive deadlines and the miniscule amount of homework is making me lazy, and giving me chances of saying, "I can do this tomorrow, it's not due yet". I need to stop procrastinating, but I can't. I guess you can compare it to an addiction. I'm almost done with my work for the week. I guess I can call last week my real "break". Feels weird though, not having to do anything, or constantly stress about things. Feels odd waking up, not worried about this or that. Just waking up, looking forward to the day ahead. It get's boring though, because it's close to being monotonous. I miss my Biology class- the dynamics, that is. Sigh.

I'm beginning to feel really tired of the way things are right now. Everything feels so unreal. I'm just not quite feeling it. There's something missing, because I feel emptiness, I feel loneliness. I'm questioning things again, wondering if it's all just a game. I'm sick of the routine, I need something new, someone new to come along and spice up my world.

In class today, we were asked "name 3 items or friends you would bring with you on an island and why". Wanna know what bugs me?

I couldn't think of a single 'friend' to bring.

It made me sad..

Exhaustion.

The weeks are becoming rigorous, as we get so close to the end of the term. Math has thrown me into a temporary high for a bit, until I tumbled down and knocked it off. Still up on the tops, but I'm so close to that A that I've always been yearning for. Math final is on my birthday, so I SHALL SHALL SHALL do well on it, as a birthday present to myself. Focused on studying for finals, completing apbio notes, labs, etc. Mindset in total school mode nowadays, no time for playing when hard work needs to be done. Birthday wishlist up on tumblr if you wanna check it out, because for some reason I couldn't paste it here, and It's a long list ahaa, so I'm kindof not gonna bother typing it up again.

I miss Kim and Henri. :(

The Last of 09.

I must say that 09 has brought a lot of ups and downs for me, and I've grown so much this whole year, I learned a lot about life, about myself, and about the people who surround me. I've lost some friends that I never thought I would lose, but the loss gave way to new friendships I've never thought I could have. It's been a full year of changes for me, and as the clock ticks, with only a few minutes left til midnight, I can honestly say everything was worth it. I've done a number of things I never thought I would do, I've gone to places I never thought I would go.

And all these moments I've spent, I've made a lot of mistakes, and learned from them. 2010 is another year ahead, with big opportunities, another chapter of my life. I'm turning 17 soon, and even if I thought I'd do more on my 16th year, I'm content. I'm ready for 2010, for the challenges that have yet to come, for all the laughter, the tears, the anger, the sadness, the love, the hate, everything the year has to offer.

Happy New Year.