please, dont judge.

sometimes i get so weird, i even freak myself out
i laugh myself to sleep its my, lullabyyyy.

i have not heard that song for soooo long.
that's really one of my favorite songs. =]

well yeah, it just got me thinking how life can be so crazy.
no wait, i don't know what i'm talking about.
this might end up pointless, but i'm just trying to transform my thoughts into words.

my mind has been driving me nuts lately.
i've been missing my friends terribly, and the loneliness can be unbearable sometimes.
i've been wanting to cry for so long, but i just haven't gotten to it.
it's like, all my tears have dried up.
funny, considering the fact that i never really cried that much in my life.
some people like to suck it up, but that's not me.
sucking it up and staying tough does harm to me.
inside, at least.
when that happens, my heart feels like a constant punching bag.
then i get this feeling on my throat, you know, that painful-ish feeling when you're just about to cry?
well yeah, that's as far as i've gotten these past few weeks.

i realized that i'm too kind.
really. ask around, it's true.
i never thought such a thing exist, being too kind.
you know? cause like, being kind is a good thing, and you'd never think that too much of it can turn it into a bad thing.
i'm too much of a lot of things.
too generous too.
i've lost a lot of cash by being too generous.
but you can't really blame that all on me, blame it on the jerks who refuse to pay back. >=[
i've been wanting to change, really.
just to become a little less kinder.
such a pushover.

i don't even know why this blog made a trip down misery lane.
hehe. really. as i've said, it's just my thoughts.
and like, i'm not doing this to gain pity or anything.
thats bullshit.
i'm just expressing myself, okay?

and a note to you.
-hey babe, cheer up. i love you :]

that pretty much sums up this entry.
late.